Big Place, Small World

When I was a little kid, my folks took me to Disneyland. They tell me this tale of how the "It's a Small World" animatronic dolls scared me to tears. I've always found it strange that I should have reacted so unhappily, I enjoy exploring cultures and new tastes, new languages... But let's now replace "new" with the word "unknown."

I have been recently awarded a residency in Leipzig, Germany. I would be joining a group of international artists and fellow Academy alums spending a couple of months in a new environment - generating connections to make the world a little smaller. I'd be living in Germany for three months, away from my family, my husband, everything that's familiar to me. But I'm not scared. Though Leipzig is 3960 miles away, here's what I'm really afraid of: Sparkill, New York.  It's 25.9 miles away from where I live, it's a residency program with artists from around the world, but it's just a metaphorical hop, skip and jump away from where I am now.

Except that my whole world would change if I went there. Since last Thursday, I've been waiting through anxiety-fueled moments of "unknown." I don't know if I'll be living in Sparkill soon, and I don't know that if, when I may be living in Sparkill, whether I would be able to reside for a time in Leipzig. Sparkill had never appeared on the map I was creating for myself (getting back to Germany has always been tucked away in the glove compartment), but I think the more I contemplate the windy road that leads to a big Victorian house the more I feel like I could make a home there for a time. Of course, that means giving up everything that I've worked for here.